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 Pros & Cons of the Rewards System The rewards system of discipline is grounded in the basics of behavior modification. Positive discipline is the most effective of all of the discipline techniques in that the recipient, a child in this case, is rewarded and given attention for behaviors that the parent wants to see more of. In other words, whatever you focus on will grow. That’s why yelling, for example never really works in the long run since the child is only receiving attention for unwanted behaviors. Even though it may not make sense to adults, ultimately a child will do whatever it takes to get our attention, even if it results in a negative response. So, we reward our children for behaviors we want to see more of. Each child is different and therefore, the reward needs to fit their personality. At first, the reward, whatever it may be, could be given each time that the behavior occurs. After there is some consistency, the reward can be given every other time, or every third time, so that they child begins to “save up” the behaviors to receive the prize. Praise and words of encouragement should be given each time whether the reward is given or not. Sounds easy enough. Well, it is until parents start hearing, “What’s in it for me?” or “I don’t want that anymore, I want something else.” The child has learned to focus on the outcome rather than the behavior itself. The rewards system is great for short-term results, but what does it teach our children in the long run…that they should only cooperate if there is something in it for them? What about learning their spelling words? What prize will they get when they finished their assigned reading list? It’s important for us as parents to not only focus on the wanted behavior, but also on the feeling of satisfaction and pride that goes along with completing a task. We need to point out these feelings and ask our children about them. “How does it make you feel when your room is all tidy?” “You must be so proud of yourself that you worked hard and got all of those math problems right!” Intrinsic, or internal motivation, is what we want our children to learn. We want them to do something or try new things because they want to, not because they were bribed into doing it. It should make them feel good about themselves. So what can we offer as an incentive? Praise and encouragement are always great ways to pay attention to positive behavior and give our kids what they want most…attention from us. Instead of a tangible toy or candy, try drawing stars or smiley faces on a chart on the wall. Make it fun using sparkly crayons or markers that the child can pick out each time. Another idea is to “reward” behavior with a privilege. Sitting at the head of the table, staying up an extra half an hour, choosing which restaurant to go to or bubbles in the tub are some great ideas. The rewards system is a wonderful technique for parents as long as they remember to look at the big picture. It’s a great way to start the ball rolling in the right direction, but by focusing on boosting the child’s self-esteem and what intrinsically motivates that child, parents will be teaching life’s important lessons. It’s not about how clean our rooms are or if we remembered to say thank you every time. It’s about being proud of our accomplishments and doing what we know is right and good…even if no one else notices.
References Ames, Louise Bates, Ilg, Frances, and Baker, Carol Chase. Your One Year Old. New York: Dell Publishing, 1982. ----- and Ilg, Frances. Your Two Year Old. New York: Dell Publishing, 1976. ----- and Ilg, Frances. Your Three Year Old. New York: Dell Publishing, 1985. ----- and Ilg, Frances. Your Four Year Old. New York: Dell Publishing, 1976. ----- and Ilg, Frances. Your Five Year Old. New York: Dell Publishing, 1979. ----- and Ilg, Frances. Your Six Year Old. New York: Dell Publishing, 1979. ----- and Baker, Carol Chase. Your Seven Year Old. New York: Dell Publishing, 1985. ----- and Baker, Carol Chase. Your Eight Year Old. New York: Dell Publishing, 1989. ----- and Baker, Carol Chase. Your Nine Year Old. New York: Dell Publishing, 1990. -----, Ilg, Frances, and Baker, Sidney M. Your Ten to Fourteen Year Old. New York: Dell Publishing, 1988. Nelson, Jane, Erwin, Cheryl, and Duffy, Roslyn. Positive Discipline for Preschoolers. California: Prima Publishing. 1998. Gargus, Brenda L. Why Positive Reinforcement Works. 2006 Timlin, PC, SW, Melanie. Youngstown, OH. (330) 758-1566.
Alexandra Blumencranz, CPC |
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